aomi/aomi.md

An Ordinary Morning's Impression

The crunch of the snow's surface that got frozen overnight is exceptionally satisfying to hear today. I've always enjoyed walks after snowfalls early in the morning, when there's little traffic and coffee-chugging pedestrians sprawling around, but doing it today feels greater than ever and for a good reason.
I stop to stand by the lamppost, the usual waiting spot, hands in my pockets, left palm clutching a tiny box with a golden engagement ring inside. Saying "let's date" to my girlfriend was already a mentally taxing challenge, but proposing to her, despite us hanging out for quite some time now and loving each other and being on extremely good terms, feels on a whole new level of anxiety. Yet no amount of weird feelings piling up could persuade me that this day won't go well. Unless the weather does a one-eighty or the cars decide to fill up the streets all of a sudden, nothing should go wrong.
Still, thinking about early morning coffee enthusiasts reminds me I haven't eaten anything at all today, and my stomach lets out a mournful churn in agreement. The nearby coffee shop seems to be open and boasting about their new "winter holiday specials" on a chalkboard sign near the entrance, and my feet immediately decide to set me on my way to try some of those. And maybe go for seconds with her if those specials are any good.

Having exchanged a couple of words on today's weather with the barista, I return with a thick paper cup of hot cocoa topped with tiny star-shaped marshmallows. With every crunchy step I take through the snowy path back to the waiting spot, the white chewy stars continue slowly whirling around in the drink, like as if they're traveling across the mocha-colored sky. Floating and twirling and melting into a sweet and fluffy beige cloud. A sight so serene mixed with an aroma so cozy and a quiet town ambiance so comforting it eases my anxieties a tiny bit and makes me sleepy. I quickly blink several times in an attempt to stay awake. She is sure taking her sweet time driving here, but somehow I don't mind at all. I want to savor these moments, I want to imprint these sights and smells onto my brain and create an everlasting memory. After all, this may probably be the best day of my life. I wholeheartedly hope it will.
...Somehow I'm reminded of the day we first met.

It happened around January, I think. Several months after I started college. Back then, I was a completely different person - timid, shy, unable to express myself. A total loser, simply to say. Always being an object of ridicule for my peers for various reasons. At some point even the closest of friends turned their back on me and I was left completely alone in this world.
During my high school years I felt like I was going insane. I talked to walls, I made up imaginary friends, I spent a lot of time crying by myself in my bathroom. Then came the graduation, followed by the dreaded college my parents applied me to, and taking a plunge inside an unfamiliar environment made the matters even worse. I spent several months without any human interactions. I thought that by default I'd get the same treatment that I've gotten used to. And at some point on a snowy day in January, something inside me just snapped. Just... broke in two. And then I just got up, hastily put on my coat and... ran. Ran without thinking of an exact place I want to go to. My vision was made blurry by falling chunks of snow, but I continued running, not minding anything around.
I can't remember when and where I ended up, but I do remember almost getting run over by her car that was passing by me then. In a state of brake screech-induced panic, I fell down to my knees on the wet asphalt, hands covering my face. And after she jumped off and ran up to me asking if I was alright, I snapped and outright told her every thought and every problem that plagued my darkened mind. Then she laughed the worst laugh I've ever heard in my life, brushed the freshly fallen snow off my back, and asked me if I'd be interested in helping with a research for her PhD in Psychology. And thus began our three-year researcher-subject relationship that, oddly enough, slowly blossomed into romance and affection.
It seemed as if her presence alone was enough for me to heal and leave everything behind. Somehow filling my head with all the good memories we shared together wiped all the bad ones from the past completely, as it turns out I cannot even remember neither what exactly was I bullied for, nor the faces of those kids that did so. Sometimes I question myself, was this depression even real or was it just all in my head?..

"[*0+=#$!"
My pondering gets interrupted by a loud voice in the distance. Is that my name that just got called by someone? I turn around to find a familiar face but don't recognize any of the passerbys. Whoever that was, they weren't calling me for sure.
"}]￥_{+!! Helloooo!!"
I look around once more just to be sure and see a silhouette of someone waving in my direction. I probably shouldn't mind that.
Suddenly I take notice of the waving person. Haven't I seen them somewhere before?
They continue moving towards me, and upon closer look, I see a girl with short pink hair, dressed in nothing but a sleeveless purple dress, cheerfully looking back at me and flailing her right hand. A get-up that's surely not suited for a cold weather like today's.

no
no no no no no no

"I said %>@|^$!! Don't you recognize me??"
As she moves closer to me, a disgustingly chill sensation forms in my stomach, piercing its outsides. My hands grow limb, and the moment the strange girl runs up to me and stretches out her hands, I drop my cocoa cup on the ground, right where she stands.

no no no no no no no no no no no no no no

The girl proceeds to tightly wrap her arms around my frozen body and lets out a heartily laugh, as if her bare feet haven't just been splashed with a hot gooey drink. More chills start forming inside me. I feel nauseous.
"I'm so glad I'm finally here with you! I've been waiting soooo long for this day!" she says as she tightens the grip on her hug and buries her face in my jacket. It's getting hard to breathe.
After a moment and a couple of caught stares from wondering strangers, I part my lips slightly and whisper: "Who... are you?" The girl loosens her grip and gives me a surprised look. "You... don't remember me? You really-really don't remember me?"
I timidly shake my head.
"I guess I should've expected that. Allow me to reintroduce myself!"
She takes two steps back, waits for a second and strikes a pose. "My name's Aomi! I'm your most important person in the world... at least, according to you, Master!"
Master?.. I cast a quick glance down. Her cocoa-drenched feet have left a long trail of pale red footprints in the snow behind her.

no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no

Something clicks inside my head. Something that shouldn't ever have. Something I was sure I erased from my memory like a bad dream. Aomi?..
The girl comes back and pulls me into an asphyxiating embrace again.
"Don't worry," she says softly, "I'll always be by your side from now on. I'll never abandon you. Ever."
The clicking inside my head gets even more intense. I feel like I'm on the verge of losing consciousness.
This can't be... can it? Among a chaotic ocean of thoughts rising up like a tide in my mind, one swims to the surface in the form of a sudden question to ask the girl.
"Y- you know what "Aomi" stands for?.."
She turns her head to the side and pouts her lips in thought. As she does so, I begin slowly raising my hands. "Let's see... Ability of my imagination," she confidently replies and then beams at me. "wasn't it?"

I hear ringing in my ears. The migraine gets even more intense. With my palms raised above her shoulders, I intertwine my fingers around her neck. This feeling of tender human flesh and fast beats of her pulse against my skin... Why does it feel so uncanny and horrifying?.. Why do I want to squeeze it tightly and make it stop?..
...It's her. Aomi. My imaginary friend from high school years. Except she is not imaginary anymore. She is real. She is a real physical being. A being I can see and hear and touch. And now she's here. She's with me now. Me, her "master", as I liked to call myself then. She's materialized for me.
..Except she's seven years too soon.

Is this what they mean when they say... beware what you wish for?..