AreYouSureThatYouRemember/Chapter_15.md

Chapter 15

Michael walked along the structures doing absolutely nothing but listening to sad music. I'm doing nothing, he thought, the toy was a good experience. He thought about how he felt relieved when he finished the dog. He had a short, but strong, feeling of happiness. Dopamine rush, he thought. Dopamine rush? Well... Michael thought of something real quick. I will make myself a challenge to go from where I stand, he thought, to over there. He stared at a structure roughly twenty meters away from him.

He walked all this distance over to that structure and felt a short Dopamine rush. It was rather nice to finish something he had planned before hand. He thought about it, turned around and look at another structure a bit farther away. He walked to that one as well and felt a bit better again.

These Dopamine rushes were quick. In roughly two to three minutes he was not feeling any effect from them anymore. So he needed to constantly invent himself new little challenges. The trick was not in walking to a structure. The trick was in deciding that it's a challenge to walk to it. Making walking to it a plan. Making the other point a kind of goal in and of it self. When reaching to that point Michael had to think that he accomplished the goal. This is what caused a little rush of Dopamine. It was self deception. But it somewhat worked.

He walked around the structures like that for a few hours. Making himself enough endorphins to think a bit more clearly. Then he went home to tell about it to his father. When he came, he thought that the place was too small to feel like a challenge. But still he had to try. He chosen the new goal, which was the room of his father and walked to it. As he thought it was not as good. It did something. It was not completely pointless. But it was not as good as outside.

"Dad" - he said - "I figured out how to feel better."

"How?"

"You have to invent yourself little challenges and then do them. When you finish a thing, you feel good."

Dad nodded, but he was not interested in doing anything.

"You have to try it, Dad." - said Michael - "Make your challenge to stand up. Can you do that?"

"Can I stand up?"

"Can you make it challenge to stand up?"

"You mean, it has to be hard to stand up?"

"No..." - Michael thought that he is not very good at explaining. He thought maybe he can explain the mechanism of it. The Dopamine rushes. he said - "... Do you know what is Dopamine?".

"No." - answered his dad, making Michael confused.

"Dad, it's not about making it hard. It's about thinking that it's hard"

"But it's not hard... look." - Dad stood up.

Michael hit his face with a palm of his hand. He thought that showing the mechanism in action would be a lot better.

"Look, dad." - Michael took a few steps into the corridor - "I make myself a challenge to come to you.". Then Michael walked from the corridor back into the room, breathed in deep and smiled like a maniac - "See?".

Dad was confused. It made no sense to him. He said - "What? You told me to stand up, here I am standing. Still depressed. You tell me to look and walk back and forth to and from the door. What are you doing? How is it supposed to help me?"

"Dopamine rush!" - said Michael still smiling like a maniac.

"Do-pa-min-rush?" - Dad was still confused.

"Dopamine, the drug of happiness."

"You are taking drugs?" - Dad asked angrily, looked at his Vodka Plus can and continued - "Well, I guess both of us do."

Michael felt rather terrible. Now, even though he didn't want it. The challenge was, to explain the concept to his father. No matter what it takes he has to do it. Otherwise he might feel a Dopamine drain.

"Dad..." - he started. Dad looked at him with the eyes of slight sadness. "... Dopamine is a chemical in your brain. I learned it recently. It's made by the brain, Dad. And when it's made, it makes you feel good. Your depression is a lack of it.". As he said it, he thought about it deeply. He was not sure about the nature of Dopamine. He remembered a different drug that was making a feeling of calmness. Dopamine was excitement. It was not exact opposite of depression. Calmness was more the one he needed. But he continued regardless - "When I made the dog yesterday I felt good. It gave a rush of Dopamine.". Dad opened his mouth. He understood something. Michael continued - "Today on the street I tried simply inventing a challenge to myself. Walk from where I stand a few meters forward. The challenge was extremely simple, so I didn't hesitate to move. And when I finished it, I felt the Dopamine rush too. It made feel a bit better.".

"So?" - asked Dad.

"So, try and make your challenge to be standing up, or because your are standing already, try making your challenge sitting back down. Just make it a mission to sit down. That's all you need to do."

Dad still looked a bit confused.

"Okay, repeat after me. But think it as we say it, okay?"

"Okay."

"My mission is..."

"My mission is..."

"...to sit down."

"...to sit ... Ah... I think I got it." - Dad thought about something. Then he sat down and his face brightened up. He said - "So that's a Dopamine rush?". Michael said - "Yes."

Dad was smiling and said - "Wow."