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		<title>Plans for the festival are still on &lt;https://y.st./en/weblog/2017/08-August/04.xhtml&gt;</title>
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		<header>
			<h1>Plans for the festival are still on</h1>
			<p>Day 00881: Friday, 2017 August 04</p>
		</header>
<section id="general">
	<h2>General news</h2>
	<p>
		While sorting laundry today, I noticed a plaid shirt that I failed to remove from my wardrobe before.
		I actually kind of like that shirt though, so I&apos;m keeping it.
		How odd though: there exists a plaid shirt that I like.
		Normally, I hate plaid.
	</p>
	<p>
		The schedule for the coming week was posted at work today.
		Thankfully, my day off request was granted.
		I will be able to attend the festival.
		Honestly though, if it wasn&apos;t granted, I&apos;d&apos;ve tried to fight for it.
		I put the request in about a month ago, so there was <strong>*plenty*</strong> of time for the boss in which to make sure it happened.
		On my way home from work, a phrase popped into my head; a line for a poem.
		I can&apos;t seem to find rhyming words with the right meanings though to give the poem the sound and flow I want it to have.
		I&apos;ve saved the line, along with a couple others and some incomplete lines, for later use.
		I might find a way to use it in a non-rhyming capacity later, if nothing else.
	</p>
	<p>
		My <a href="/a/canary.txt">canary</a> still sings the tune of freedom and transparency.
	</p>
</section>
<section id="dreams">
	<h2>Dream journal</h2>
	<p>
		I can&apos;t remember much of my dream last night, but I remember I was working the drive-through window at work.
		Some customer ordered a &quot;TMI&quot;, and I had no idea what that was.
		They told me it was some pizza listed underneath some other pizza on the menu board, but I don&apos;t know what arrangement our menu items are in on the board.
		A coworker ran out to check, and found the &quot;TMI&quot; was just our standard deep dish peperoni pizza.
	</p>
</section>
<section id="mental">
	<h2>Mental health watch</h2>
	<p>
		Some part of me still rejects my gayness, but I&apos;m making progress in accepting myself.
		Have I ever written about when I first learned I was asexual (or that I thought I was, rather)?
		In late elementary school or early middle school, I forget which, I was taught the basic mechanics of heterosexual sex.
		I knew right then and there that sex was not for me.
		I wanted no part of it.
		We didn&apos;t cover homosexual sex though.
		It was the concept of straight sex that made me reject sex at all.
		In high school, I used to think to myself that if I had any sexuality at all, I&apos;d partner with a man.
		I wasn&apos;t interested in sex, but I wanted a partner that acted more like the boys acted than like the girls acted.
		I still thought I was asexual at the time, and when these thoughts would come, they&apos;d just be passing by.
		However, to my current self, it makes a good case to me that gay is just what I&apos;m programmed to be.
		I always have been and always will be.
		I keep thinking that if I can find a boyfriend, and we get to the sexual stage of the relationship, I&apos;ll know for sure if I&apos;m gay.
		I keep thinking that if I can only <strong>*try out*</strong> that which I&apos;ve been fantasizing about lately, I can find out if it&apos;s really what my body needs.
		Like if if doesn&apos;t go well after several honest tries (and maybe several boyfriends to be sure), maybe I can be bisexual after all.
		(There are other things I could do with a fellow man, so it&apos;s not like if this doesn&apos;t go well, I&apos;d be heterosexual or something.
		These things just aren&apos;t what my body seems to crave; they&apos;re not what keeps me strictly homosexual.)
		If my fantasies don&apos;t pan out, I keep telling myself I&apos;ll find a way to conquer my aversion to vaginas.
		I already know what I am though.
		I&apos;m gay.
		I&apos;ve always been gay, but not known it until recently.
		I can&apos;t escape it, and I need to figure out how to get myself to stop trying.
		It&apos;s hard though.
		I guess even despite all the evidence that I&apos;m gay, part of me is still in denial because it doesn&apos;t want to be gay.
		That said, even with my continued internal conflict, I still feel much more stable than I&apos;ve been in the past while.
		I feel grounded; I feel like me.
	</p>
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