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		<title>Monogamy instinct &lt;https://y.st./en/weblog/2017/06-June/29.xhtml&gt;</title>
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			<h1>Monogamy instinct</h1>
			<p>Day 00845: Thursday, 2017 June 29</p>
		</header>
<section id="general">
	<h2>General news</h2>
	<p>
		As an asexual, I had no idea what wanting to be monogamous is like.
		Now that I know I&apos;m gay, it&apos;s like ... I want someone I can fully dedicate myself to, and who&apos;ll be fully dedicated to me.
		I want someone I can trust with all my heart and I want him to be able to trust me fully as well.
		This feeling is incredibly strange to me and will take time to get used to.
		I had no idea that the monogamy instinct was even a thing until now.
	</p>
	<p>
		I went to visit my mother today.
		Vanessa asked how I was, so I brought her up to speed on this gayness thing.
		Our mother may or may not&apos;ve told her already, I&apos;m not sure.
		While we were discussing my new-found sexuality, I mentioned I was finding all sorts of new things, such as that monogamy instinct.
		I honestly thought my mother would claim it wasn&apos;t an instinct, but just a desire, but she seemed to know exactly what I meant.
		She said that when in a relationship, she doesn&apos;t tend to even notice other people.
		They&apos;re not even attractive to her.
		So ... that&apos;s something I can look forward to.
		Once I have a partner, I won&apos;t have to resist other people, as there likely won&apos;t be any attraction for me to resist.
		My mother also had an idea of why I might not&apos;ve know I was a sexual until now.
		I thought she might ask me why I thought it was, which I didn&apos;t want to explain, so I was glad she had her own theory.
		She thinks I&apos;m a late bloomer because of genetics.
		She says she didn&apos;t really feel the urges until beyond her teens, while my father has no sex drive.
		The average of the two would ... maybe be me.
		It seems ... plausible, but doesn&apos;t match up with quite all the data.
		Then again, my mother doesn&apos;t <strong>*have*</strong> all the data, so it doesn&apos;t need to.
		That just means it&apos;s not going to be the theory I subscribe to.
		As suspected though, my mother&apos;s sort of happy I&apos;m gay.
		She never did like that I wasn&apos;t attracted to anyone at all.
	</p>
	<p>
		My <a href="/a/canary.txt">canary</a> still sings the tune of freedom and transparency.
	</p>
</section>
<section id="mental">
	<h2>Mental health watch</h2>
	<p>
		I feel ... calm, today.
		I mean, part of it&apos;s that I&apos;m all cried out, I&apos;m sure.
		It&apos;s hard to feel such strong, negative emotions for so long.
		My brain&apos;s probably temporarily shut part of my emotion centre off, and I&apos;m very tired.
		At the same time though, my libido seems mostly back to normal.
		I&apos;m not so constantly horny any more.
		I think the horniness was my brain&apos;s way of forcing me to pay attention.
		It has my attention now, and I&apos;m examining the way that I feel and what I&apos;m becoming.
		My brain probably feels the mental and emotional healing, so the call to attention is no longer necessary and has been shut off.
		I think my hormones are returning to manageable levels.
	</p>
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