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		<title>I think I might be gay. &lt;https://y.st./en/weblog/2017/06-June/25.xhtml&gt;</title>
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			<h1>I think I might be gay.</h1>
			<p>Day 00841: Sunday, 2017 June 25</p>
		</header>
<img src="/img/CC_BY-SA_4.0/y.st./weblog/2017/06/25.jpg" alt="Two filing cabinets in the closet" class="weblog-header-image" width="800" height="480" />
<section id="general">
	<h2>General news</h2>
	<p>
		I feel like I&apos;ve finished about half the sock-sorting that I had left.
		I sorted the socks into four piles based on their markings, the sorted two of those piles into pairs and stray socks.
		I chose the smaller tow piles to sort, but there was also the initial general sort, so it still feels like it adds up to half.
		I&apos;ve decided to keep my lose socks until I finish cleaning the apartment, just in case I run into another sock cache.
		I did find a pile before in one of the backpacks I had used to haul my stuff in.
		My progress is admittedly slow, but I also have other things I need to get done, so there&apos;s little I can do about it.
	</p>
	<p>
		I&apos;ve noticed this queen-sized sheet doesn&apos;t seem to fit my mattress as well as I thought.
		The corners of the sheet don&apos;t line up with the corners of the mattress.
		However ... the sheet also doesn&apos;t seem to accidentally come off.
		The full-sized sheet does.
		I think I&apos;ll be sticking with queen-sized sheets when I eventually need to replace either sheet.
	</p>
	<p>
		My <a href="/a/canary.txt">canary</a> still sings the tune of freedom and transparency.
	</p>
</section>
<section id="library">
	<h2>Library task list</h2>
	<p>
		Based on the reading material I&apos;ve been working with, I&apos;ve come to the conclusion that genders are an actual, innate thing in people.
		I previously thought they were mostly, if not totally, a product of someone&apos;s raising.
		This is an incredibly bizarre concept to me.
		Tolerance for unexpected and unusual genders needs to be increased in society, but the abolition of gender is neither feasible not productive.
		I thought people needed to start raising their children in a more neutral way.
		I thought this would fix the gender divide and bring everyone together.
		It won&apos;t though.
		It&apos;ll just make everyone unhappy as their freedom to express themselves will be limited.
		Still, <strong>*beginning*</strong> the raising of a child in a gender-neutral way is probably a good idea.
		When the child begins to express themself, they can gravitate to whatever they prefer, and the parents can support that.
	</p>
	<p>
		Based on past interactions I&apos;ve had with people, I&apos;ve come to the conclusion that most people <strong>*want*</strong> to be boxed in; to be categorised.
		This too is an incredibly bizarre concept to me.
		Combined with my new-found acceptance of gender as an actual, natural thing and not a product of bad parenting, I no longer have much cause to avoid gender-based pronouns.
		I still think they&apos;re incredibly stupid and unnecessary, but it&apos;s not my job to fix this severely-broken language.
		I will continue using gender-neutral words in cases in which gender is not easily guessable and is irrelevant.
		For example, here in my journal, readers don&apos;t have any indicators as to what the gender of a described person is.
		There&apos;s no reason for me to drag such gender information into question, so I&apos;ll continue using singular &quot;they&quot; here.
		However, in person, I&apos;ll make a best guess as to gender and use the &quot;appropriate&quot; pronoun.
	</p>
</section>
<section id="mental">
	<h2>Mental health watch</h2>
	<p>
		I was actually pretty carefree today, and I think it&apos;s because I&apos;ve decided to accept and explore what I&apos;m becoming.
		Accepting my transformation seems to have helped with the sexual thoughts, too.
		They still exist, but they&apos;re not so strong or pervasive.
		I have not had time to edit even a single sex reference out of my journal, and now, I don&apos;t think I&apos;m going to.
		If I&apos;m not taking a stand against gender, there&apos;s no reason for me to remove ties to my physical sex from these logs.
		Based on my new-found acceptance of gender, it&apos;s clear to me that I&apos;m the one that&apos;s different, as usual.
		I haven&apos;t somehow escaped the permanently-altering affects of gender-based raising.
		I&apos;m simply not as masculine as society expects me to be, given that I&apos;m male.
		Instead, I&apos;m more effeminate.
		I&apos;m not completely effeminate; I like to think I&apos;m about halfway, but I could be wrong.
		I might regret stating such publicly here in my journal, but I also think I might be a little gay.
		I have not yet been attracted to a specific man in any meaningful way, but I&apos;m starting to see them as appealing, and I&apos;m having gay sex fantasies.
		(These fantasies do not involve anyone I actually know.)
		These fantasies always involve a committed relationship, so I may end up turning out to be a demihomosexual.
		It would explain the lack of lust toward anyone, as I&apos;m not in a relationship with any of them, while not writing off the fantasies in any way.
	</p>
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