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		<title>Further recovery? &lt;https://y.st./en/weblog/2017/04-April/11.xhtml&gt;</title>
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		<header>
			<h1>Further recovery?</h1>
			<p>Day 00766: Tuesday, 2017 April 11</p>
		</header>
<section id="general">
	<h2>General news</h2>
	<p>
		I had a flash of inspiration as I sat down with my breakfast to work on my coursework.
		How would it turn out if I cooked marinara into my stew?
		I&apos;ll have to try that some time, but only with a small batch.
		My stew is sadly lacking in tomatoey goodness.
		This might be what it needs!
		That said, it could also go horribly, horribly wrong, and I&apos;m going to have to eat this mess.
		Making a full pot of it without starting with a smaller batch first would be ill-advised.
	</p>
	<p>
		Before heading to work, I went to the bank to pay my credit card bill.
	</p>
	<p>
		I&apos;m tired of my coworkers, especially my shift leaders, trying to talk to me when I&apos;m dealing with a customer.
		They specifically wait until I&apos;m talking to someone at the menu board, then try to give me instructions.
		Seriously?
		The customer can&apos;t see or hear my coworkers.
		That means when my coworkers start talking, the customer doesn&apos;t stop.
		As the customer has no idea what&apos;s going on and my coworkers do, it&apos;s my coworkers I have to tune out, so I can carefully listen to what the customer wants.
		This frustrates me to no end.
		After dealing with this for the umpteenth time, my mood went a bit sour.
		Next time it happens, I think I&apos;ll deal with the customer as always, then have a short chat with my coworker explaining exactly whey I can&apos;t listen to them when I&apos;m on the line with a customer and exactly whey they won&apos;t be able to get any message through to me until I&apos;ve finished talking to the customer and had them pull up to the window.
		Seriously.
		It only takes five to ten seconds usually, my coworkers, including my shift leaders, can wait that long.
	</p>
	<p>
		One of our customers came back through the drive-through claiming I&apos;d given them the wrong pizza.
		Assuming this is true, it could&apos;ve easily happened for any number of reasons.
		I could&apos;ve gotten distracted and grabbed a pizza from the wrong section of the warmer.
		The customer couldn&apos;ve specified the wrong type of pizza (it&apos;s happened before).
		Or the people working landing could&apos;ve put the pizza in the wrong spot.
		In any case, I tried to follow our usual protocol, which is to have them give back the pizza they didn&apos;t want but got anyway, then give them the right pizza.
		However ... they hadn&apos;t brought back the pizza.
		They supposedly dropped it off, then got a telephone call from whoever they dropped it off with saying the wrong pizza had been brought.
		The only thing to do is go get a shift leader.
		However ... both of the on-duty shift leaders had disappeared on me.
		I couldn&apos;t find either one of them, and I had to make a judgement call.
		Without instruction from higher up, I erred to the side of caution and tried to preserve our image: I just gave them the pizza.
		However, once they both returned and I told one what happened, they said I&apos;d done the wrong thing.
		They think the customer was a scammer.
		Now I know for next time though: no pizza brought back, no replacement.
		No exceptions.
		The shift leader admitted though that this was exactly why both shift leaders aren&apos;t supposed to disappear at the same time.
	</p>
	<p>
		One of my final customers for the night came through the drive-through with a bottle of alcohol in hand.
		Seriously?
		While driving?
		They even raised their bottle to me and said &quot;cheers&quot;.
		I guess it&apos;s not my problem, but it seems highly irresponsible.
	</p>
	<p>
		When I got home, I found a letter to me from my father.
		They tried to email me, but had problems for some reason.
		Likely, they didn&apos;t type my email address correctly.
		Many people have problems with <abbr title="Top Level Domain">TLD</abbr>s they don&apos;t recognise, and <code>//st.</code> isn&apos;t that common in my country.
		It&apos;s like ... how is a known <abbr title="Top Level Domain">TLD</abbr> any easier to use than an arbitrary one you&apos;ve never heard of?
		I don&apos;t get it.
		Strings are strings.
		In any case, they wanted me to write to them to get my email address to their email client.
	</p>
	<p>
		I decided to try a new email address as my main one, so I set up Authenticator on my mobile so I could perform the two-factor authentication process required by Zoho&apos;s control panel.
		As soon as I logged in though, Zoho complained that my <abbr title="Sender Policy Framework">SPF</abbr> and <abbr title="DomainKeys Identified Mail">DKIM</abbr> records in <abbr title="Domain Name System">DNS</abbr> were incorrect.
		I had both set up, but it seems Zoho has deleted my <abbr title="DomainKeys Identified Mail">DKIM</abbr> signing key on their end.
		Since they now have no key, they don&apos;t have a key that matched the key in the <abbr title="Domain Name System">DNS</abbr> record.
		I had to tell Zoho to generate a new key pair; there was no recovering the old signing key.
		I logged into my <abbr title="Domain Name System">DNS</abbr> account to update the public key&apos;s <abbr title="Domain Name System">DNS</abbr> record, but the stupid website kept logging me out.
		After at least half a dozen tries, I managed to get far enough in the system to actually update the <abbr title="Domain Name System">DNS</abbr> record.
		After that, I had to log in at least another half dozen times to get the <abbr title="Sender Policy Framework">SPF</abbr> record added.
		I was sure I&apos;d already added it, but unlike the <abbr title="DomainKeys Identified Mail">DKIM</abbr> setup, I had no proof of having already done it.
		With the <abbr title="DomainKeys Identified Mail">DKIM</abbr> setup, while Zoho had lost the private key, the old public key was still in <abbr title="Domain Name System">DNS</abbr>.
		It turned out I couldn&apos;t use the colon character I&apos;d wanted to use in my email address though.
		It&apos;s a perfectly valid character in email addresses, but Zoho doesn&apos;t allow it.
	</p>
	<p>
		My <a href="/a/canary.txt">canary</a> still sings the tune of freedom and transparency.
	</p>
</section>
<section id="mental">
	<h2>Mental health watch</h2>
	<p>
		Thinking back, I&apos;m almost certain that breach of trust from my childhood I mentioned yesterday was the day I lost my capacity to trust.
		I mean, not all types of trust, I lost other facets of my ability to trust from other causes, but my ability to trust people with secrets.
		I wonder if I need a counsellor.
		I&apos;d very much like to see what a counsellor could help me with, but I lack the money and I lack the time.
		If I had a guide to the mind, I could probably be more effective at finding the tears in my psyche.
		If I find these tears, can I repair them in some way?
		For as long as I can recall, I haven&apos;t had the capacity to truly love.
		I mean, I like my family for the most part, but I don&apos;t think I actually feel a bond with them.
		If they all went away and I never saw any of them again, I&apos;d be perfectly fine.
		I think trust is supposed to be a major component of love.
		Is my cold heart a result of my destroyed ability to trust?
		Am I ... supposed to be able to love?
		Is that inability not just a part of what I naturally am?
		What in Squiddy&apos;s name am I supposed to be!?
		I&apos;m so confused, but I&apos;ll figure the important things out with time.
	</p>
	<p>
		As I cut up ingredients for breakfast, a delicious mixed vegetable stew, I listened to <a href="https://kubbi.bandcamp.com/album/transmittance">some music that I really should get around to writing a review for</a>.
		I&apos;d planned to listen and take note so I could leave a meaningful review of it, but that&apos;s not what happened.
		Instead, I got lost in the music and dances while I worked.
		That&apos;s not a thing that I do though!
		Dancing, I mean.
		I kind of wonder if exposing my psychological cracks is enough to at least partially recover.
		I felt awesome all day today, at least until later at work.
		Is this how normal people feel all the time?
		I highly doubt passively locating my issues is enough to fully recover, but until I know better how to act, it does seem to be a good start on getting better.
		That said, it&apos;s been too soon to see if this is a long-term change, not to mention there&apos;s too many variables to be sure this is what&apos;s helping.
		I&apos;m not exposed to my freaky mother on a daily basis.
		When I <strong>*am*</strong> exposed to them, they don&apos;t hold the power over me they once did.
		They still hold some influence over me though, I suppose.
		I&apos;ve been living alone.
		That means I haven&apos;t needed to put up a constant facade, having to act socially acceptable on a twenty-four seven basis.
		At home, I can shed the shell I wear in public and just be me.
		I&apos;ve been in control.
		I don&apos;t have all the luxuries that&apos;d be nice to have, such as a home Internet connection and home server, but now, it&apos;s not because someone else has chosen to do without them, requiring I do so as well.
		Now it&apos;s because <strong>*I&apos;ve*</strong> reviewed the options and <strong>*I*</strong> don&apos;t like the <abbr title="Internet service provider">ISP</abbr>s.
		I haven&apos;t had the time or desire to put together an actual nutrition plan, but I&apos;ve been eating loads better than I had in my mother&apos;s home.
		My home isn&apos;t so packed with junk that I can&apos;t even walk down the hall without turning my body sideways (Squiddy, my mother has a lot of junk).
		There&apos;ve been other ... more personal factors as well, things I don&apos;t care to write about here at this time.
		In any case, it&apos;s difficult to pinpoint a single source of this change, assuming it&apos;s even permanent, and assuming only a single factor is involved (it&apos;s likely a combination of factors)
		I&apos;ll need to monitor my mental state as time progresses.
		With any luck, I&apos;ll continue to improve.
	</p>
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