% My experience as a non-binary person % Leah Rowe % 2019-05-11
Go look up on google or duckduckgo or whatever (or maybe wikipedia?) what a non-binary person is.
I initially came out as transgender in early 2016, as a trans woman. However, this always felt wrong. My understanding of non-binary people was more or less non-existent back then.
In case you already know what a non-binary person is, then yeh, i'm non-binary and my pronouns these days are they/them. If you don't feel the need to read the rest of this article and your thoughts are "ok, fine whatever" then congrats to you. I just needed to basically tell people who know me how I feel, that's it really.
I have always felt discomfort with being a man, which is why I came out as transgender in the first place, because I knew (and I still know, to this day) that I'm not a man.
Well, woman didn't feel right either. I spent a great deal of time in trans communities as a trans woman but that never felt right either. Going out dress as a man made me feel like shit. Going out dressed as a woman also made me feel bad and initially I thought this was just dysphoria because of not passing (a term which I reject, but which I use for this article because its meaning is commonly understood in the trans community).
Nowadays, I pass (again, this term is bullshit because it gives a nod to the gender binary which ought to be abolished) as female, and I still feel like shit.
I don't really have the desire or will to explain all of my experiences, I really can't be assed because it will sound like all the other shite on the internet, so who cares. I'm just yet another human being, and although my expreriences have meaning to me personally, at the end of the day I'm the same decaying matter that constitutes every other sentient being on this planet. I'm not special or different in any way, so not only do you not have any interest in my personal life, I don't really give a shit either so I'm not going to share it with you.
Anyway, long story short, I have concluded after a long (several years) period of self-reflection and contemplation that I am not in fact a trans woman.
I am a non-binary trans person.
Sex and gender are not the same thing. Gender is how you identify... sex is your body's physical anatomy. Well, sex isn't binary either (see: intersex).
Here's how I identify:
Simply put, gender has no bearing on my life in any way whatsoever. When I meet people, when I do things, when I exist and do the things that, you know, make me happy, none of that has anything to do with gender.
From my own perspective, the world we live in is bullshit. It's an arbitrary matrix. I will befriend anyone I want, be romantically involved with anyone I want and do anything I want. The genitalia I was born with and the archaic social constructs assigned thereof have absolutely zero consequence on my potential as a person. I never, ever think in terms of my gender, and I never will.
Gender is bullshit.
I'm in a very special, once in a lifetime mood. The kind of mood that only ever happens once. That's why I'm publishing this article right now, because otherwise I'll never publish it.
I know what I'm feeling as I write this but I don't quite know how to put it in words, but I do want to publish this article.
So let it be known:
I reject the very notion of gender altogether. I am non-binary.
I don't really care whether you gender me female, or as they/them or whatever... my only real requirement is that you don't gender me male.
I prefer they/them pronouns, but her/she etc doesn't offend me in any way. Just don't sir me and I won't kill you :P
That is all.