# 20200527

#### song: "publicitaire" by cassus

i've been having dreams lately of destroying schools. last night from a kid who shot up the place, my killing him to save the others the trigger to blowing the whole place up. but i could rewind time to warn everyone, so only a few casualties ensued. and the night before from watching daisy (of mario fame) make a molotov in a high school bathroom. she threw it into the middle of a gymnasium. the police called it arson. they didn't catch her.

a different night, a different dream, an imagined girlfriend (or maybe one from a different dimension, from the outside) and a bunch of mutual friends and i trashed my old workplace. i only bring this up because now, as i sit outside as if we were holding another roophloch, i look over to my neighbor's yard, the green expanse i let my eyes roam over all those days last year back when i still had my ssh gopher keys, and see a bright green bucket from where host now works.

i would read all the old entries to remind myself why i came outside. but from where i sit, the wifi is intermittent and disconnects constantly. torsocks is none too happy.

i wish lynx had gemini support.

this will be was my first gemini post. or maybe it's "ghost". (that would fit me, wouldn't it?) html is so tiring. i hate fighting with pandoc to not litter my posts with unprintable unicode characters for every apostrophe and quotation mark. i hate having to keep track of any and all changes to my site so that i can copy them over to zeronet later. i hate freenet's bloat, both in disk space and countless third-party tools to do anything useful with it.

loving bloat with google and microsoft and a hundred different online accounts.

hating it with self-hosting, neocities, falling down the rabbitgopher-hole.

loving it again in egoistic refusal to restrain oneself.

hating it again in same Stirner's fire when it mandates more and more work to upkeep.

despite my laziness, we've come full circle twice.

it feels rotten to abandon zeronet after i've spent so much time on it. it would have been perfect. written in an operating system-agnostic language. peer-to-peer. accessible (kind of) without using javascript. usable without a functioning dns system, or even outside internet access (if you could travel somewhere where other people had the zites you wanted).

but you'd have to install browser plugins to render markdown or anything other than html or the plainest of text in the browser. or run a gopher or gemini server on every local machine, permanently pointed at that zeronet data directory. or someone runs a gemini server pointed at their own zeronet's data folder, and nobody can add zites to it.

whatever do you need an offline copy of my site for, anyway? is your internet down? if it were so important that you'd die without access to it, you'd have already saved a copy of it. hopefully. i know i save things. go read a book. go outside, like i am. or do both.

both is good.

i got a kobo libra h2o recently. everything works perfectly, except that the browser doesn't seem to want to work since i used sqlite3 to inject a dummy account to bypass the initial wifi setup screen. i wish that my usb keyboard worked with it so that i could have written this on there instead of my notebook computer.

i sit outside.

i enjoy the feel of the wind, the rustle of grass.

i burn schools down.

- マルス (marusu)