Horseman Episode 03 Review

Featuring discount Miley Cyrus.

02Index04

Why I watched it:

I'm just whoring around.

How it works:

Bojack lets in an emotionally manipulative drug addict and he's too much of a pussy to kick her out. She throws a party for three days, the house is trashed, and she gets kicked out. The Gang tries to tell Bojack he's an idiot, but he won't listen, the typical arrogance of an arrogant man.

It turns out this drug addict was the child star of Horsing Around, a show which is so cringe-inducingly cliched and unfunny that I can't even laugh ironically. Cory in the House was legitimately more funny than Horsing Around, and that show isn't very funny at all. I have to give my full recommendation to whoever can make a television so purposefully bad that it makes the audience feel like an idiot for watching it, even when the creators are showing it.

I don't know if the purpose of these Horsing Around scenes is to make the audience cringe or to make them laugh at how bad they are. Both of them work for driving Bojack's character into the ground, as even the most egomaniacal twat would be able to see when they create something that isn't up to snuff - except for Bojack as it is apparant, as well as the collective entirety of fanfiction.net. Whereas in fanfiction.net it's because of authors not having the experience or the discipline to create works that meet a minimum standard of quality, with Bojack it's just because he's a twat.

Basically Horsing Around is the pop music of television shows: devoid of all thoughtful content and reduces the genre to a series of archetypes, blatant pandering, and a marketing machine for the uneducated masses. I will keep dissing pop music until the genre has proved itself to be more than the overproduced brain farts of the first thing a committee has decreed to be hip and then sold to the uneducated masses who are uninterested in understanding the potential of either the spoken word or the emotional impact of the well-chosen melody - which can be proven by browsing the Billboard Top 100 at any point in human history.

I'm wondering what it's like for a pop musician from the 2000s to sell their soul to get airtime, only do have some other asshole do the same a decade later. It's hard to take the genre seriously when it amounts to a pissing contest on who wants to appeal to the lowest common denominator the hardest, with only a few exceptions showcasing anything that isn't the typical pop music lust of parties, dancing, fun over personal contentment, and sex, which so many pop musicians confuse with "love". If you knew love, you wouldn't reduce it to a series of physical encounters with people you barely know in the shitty clubs you go to in an attempt to seem cool in the eyes of an audience who will dump you in a few years in exchange for the new thing.

This is actually relevant to the review, so don't get cunty now. The lady on Horsing Around turns out to be a pop star, and a horrible one at that. Why am I reminded of that scene in The Simpsons where the lady screams "think of the children", which Michigan State University College of Law professor Charles J. Ten Brink wrote in the Georgia State University Law Review that it was an "effective parody"? Oh right, because this joke was so important that it warranted a response by six different publications and three paragraphs on Wikipedia, 80% of the length on the entire article about LISA. The priorities of Wikipedia's editors are worse than that of a bomb technician who decides to answer a phone call during a defusal.

But just as this scene was an "effective parody", as so decreed by Michigan State University College of Law professor Charles J. Ten Brink writing for the Georgia State University Law Review in 2012, on page 789, edited by Max Jones, published by Georgia State University College of Law (United States), and ranked by ExpressO as #33 out of the 100 Most Popular General Student Law Reviews, with the bluebook abbreviation of "Ga. St. U. L. Rev", so too was this episode an "effective parody" of celebrities past their prime.

And remember, if you don't trust me that this episode was an "effective parody", then you can trust Michigan State University College of Law professor Charles J. Ten Brink writing for the Georgia State University Law Review in 2012, on page 789, edited by Max Jones, published by Georgia State University College of Law (United States), and ranked by ExpressO as #33 out of the 100 Most Popular General Student Law Reviews, with the bluebook abbreviation of "Ga. St. U. L. Rev", who is qualified in his highly esteemed tenure as a law professor to decide what is and isn't an "effective parody" of things. Because you need to be published in an 800 page-long law journal and be a professor to decide things about art. I am So Mad.

What I felt:

I'm guessing this is one of those rooting-tooting satire-em-ups, isn't it? I should have expected this for a show that supposedly deconstructs the horrible, horrible lifestyles of those past their prime, just as well as this episode shows the type of people who go downhill once they realise they have no hope in Hell of getting their popularity back.

Not being somebody who gives a single shit about the popularity side of art, you know, beyond figuring out why things get popular and how to exploit that (protip: speak to a niche and PANDER YOUR BALLS OFF), I don't follow any of the current cultural trends of spying on dirtbags or listening to whatever insightful commentary the famous-for-being-famous people have to say about things. They're beneath me, honestly, and I'm glad that they are.

So to see a show mercilessly shit on the people who naively assume they're going to be popular forever by riding on whatever fads the stupid masses want to subject themselves to (statistically speaking you're one of them, but you're reading my blog, so probably not) is a great blessing for those of us who are too classy to subject ourselves to that trash. It's less a satire and more so an accurate depiction of what some celebrities are really like once they lose their fame, and that shows a real problem in the LCD media culture. Not that we should fix it - it keeps the normies away from us pander pander foreverpandering.

I would not say that the episode is particularly insightful, and in some respects would be obvious to those of us who still own a television (in current year, no less), but it is a great sight to behold when The Gang has to deal with the consequential lifestyle of somebody who just wants to party and do drugs and not give a shit about tomorrow, because it shows that their lifestyle affects the people around them, and that the fallacy of "they're only hurting themselves, why do you care?" just doesn't hold water when you consider the people who have to deal with them.

What I learned:

Holy fuck never be like Sarah or Bojack.

A Froghand type.

Today's page was updated on September 6, 2016!

This whole review can be replaced by turning onto TMZ.